


Here by the Lake (Bury Me)

by InfiniteEris



Series: Fragments of Reality [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Broken Engagement, Implied/Referenced Sex, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, nobody likes Steve rn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-29
Updated: 2021-01-29
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:53:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26569852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InfiniteEris/pseuds/InfiniteEris
Summary: Bucky thought Steve was coming back to him. They said their goodbyes and Steve smiled broadly. And smiled back. Certain this time it would all be okay. Especially with what they'd shared twice now."Isn't it lovely? Isn't it cruel? And isn't that cool? And aren't I a fool?"
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Series: Fragments of Reality [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2009344
Kudos: 45





	Here by the Lake (Bury Me)

**Author's Note:**

> "Drift Away" by Rebecca Sugar (slightly altered lyrics, title inspiration)  
> "The Kill (Bury Me)" by Thirty Seconds to Mars (title inspiration)

_ “Drift Away”--Lyrics by Rebecca Sugar. (minor changes made) _

_ “Finally, something. Finally, news. About how the story ends…” _

Bucky thought he’d have a few moments of peace. He thought he could have a short respite. But the chill breeze always brought trouble. The quietness was just an opportunity for the demons to strike.

When he’d noticed the figure on the bench, he’d felt as if he’d vomit when he realized who it was. Why, Steve? He’d been terrified of what would happen if anything went wrong. If Zola had found him in ‘70 but...He hadn’t thought for a second Steve would abandon everything he fought for here. Completely letting it be for nothing in a new, ‘perfect’ world.

He barely registered Sam asking him if it were alright for him to accept the shield. He nodded silently but bit the inside of his cheek to keep from asking Sam why in hell he’d question Captain America. Clouded memories of the war surfacing for a moment. 

He waited until Dr. Banner walked up to the duo to leave. No one would hear him. He wondered how long it would be before Steve noticed he’d left. Probably quite a long time...His hearing was probably bad now, possibly senile. It was hard not to scoff. 

He was on the western side of the lake after a few minutes of walking. The forest paying no heed to him. Completely alone,  _ again.  _

_ “Isn’t it lovely?”  _

He should be happy for his friend. He had the life he’d been robbed of. He’d spent so many happy years with Peggy. Founding Shield most likely. Busting Zola before he could even begin to restart Hydra. They had to have prevented some things. 

_ “Isn’t it cool?” _

Tears began running down his face. He fiddled with the ring on his left hand.

Sam would be Captain America. He’d make a good Captain America. Although he became frustrated quickly, he usually thought more things through. He was quick on his feet and could  _ fly _ . And had kept Steve and Natasha safe during the DC incident. Had looked the Winter Soldier in the eye and laughed when he’d realized he’d bought Steve some time to get into the maintenance room.

_ “Isn’t it cruel?” _

He couldn’t breathe. His right hand was spasming. He grabbed it with his new one.

What if he hadn’t saved him? What if he’d left him in Siberia? What if he hadn’t saved Howard...What if he just let it all happen. What if he succeeded in murdering Fury? What had he done? What if he stayed a slave?

_ “And aren’t I a fool to have happily listened?” _

He fell onto the ground. He should have seen this coming. Steve had been so quiet this morning. He should have realized as soon as he’d noticed Steve staring at Morgan and crying. And then had told him he’d see him soon with that show smile he’d mastered in the forties. He hated that he hadn’t noticed at all, he hated Zola for taking it away from him so he would be betrayed like this. But he’d believed him. Had ignored the creeping ice in his veins that told him something was wrong. Had  _ made _ himself believe it was only anxiety over an actual fucking time machine.

_ “Happily watching him drift away.”  _

He wasn’t sure they’d noticed the cracks when Dr. Banner had said Steve had missed his mark. The utter agony consuming him when he realized he must have done something to make Steve think he’d be better off without him. It had been hard not to scream in fear. He’d heard some quiet mutterings about a quantum realm after Tony Stark’s funeral. Some more hushed sentences about being in it for a time. It’d scared him, all the things mad science had accomplished. And being living proof.

He sat against a tree and wondered why his chest hurt so much. The urge to bawl like a child was overwhelming. Everything was gone, first his parents, his sister, his home and now Steve. Burnt to ash like it was never real. Like he’d wake up. Wake up and realize he was still in Siberia or the Red Room. Ruining people’s lives and helping them groom children for death. Forever dreaming of something he didn’t have.

He jumped and reached for a knife he didn’t have when a massive hand placed itself on his metal shoulder. It wasn’t even a shock to see the green face anymore. The green face that was full of concern for someone he didn’t know. A trait that was lost in most of this generation.

He went to say something to Dr. Banner but a sob interrupted. He couldn’t hold the grief at bay anymore. It’d become too much. Everything was too much anymore. Dr. Banner sat down beside him. 

He could hear an awful sound. It was familiar and yet not. He felt Dr. Banner placed his hand on the top of his back and wondered why. The noise wouldn’t stop. He’d put his hands over his ears to block the noise. It still continued. He was rocking himself back and forth to get away from it. He realized it was him. He was screaming. It wasn’t just his ears ringing. It was him. A new pain. A new scream. He couldn’t get away from it. 

He sat up with a start and looked around frantically. Where was he? What happened? He was on a couch with a blanket over him. A heart rate monitor attached to his real arm. His boots were gone.

“Calm yourself, or you’ll faint again.” A deep voice stated.

He spun around as best he could and saw a large man coming through the door behind him.

“Hello, Bucky. I am, Thor. You’ve been out for some time. The little princess was worried we’d have to take you to the hospital.” 

Shuri was here? Where were they?

“But she said you didn’t like hospitals, so we stayed here. It took me six hours to convince her to leave you. I’ve been with you ever since.” Thor said.

His throat ached and his chest hurt still. He was so tired. His head was spinning. He laid back down and ignored the pounding in his head. He was probably dehydrated. He was beginning to shake. He didn’t want to move. All of Shuri’s hard work and all he wanted to do was die again. Except this time Steve wouldn’t be around to stop him…

“I will bring you something to drink. What do you like to eat? I have a variety of options.” Thor asked.

He shook his head. And signed ‘no thank you’. Hoping Thor understood American sign language. He didn’t want to speak. 

“You need to eat and drink.” Thor said. “I will bring something.”

Thor left and Bucky considered fleeing. Even though Shuri would probably be notified if he disconnected the heart monitor. His head throbbed and he realized he’d become less durable.  _ Soft. _ He wasn’t entirely sure he could get very far like this. The thought scared him. He should be stronger than this.

Shuri would probably be irritated he was thinking like this again. They’d done so much to prevent it. And now with one traumatic setback. It was almost funny. 

Thor returned rather quickly--or had it been a half hour?--and waved his hand at him. He carried a large canvas bag of things. 

“May I have some couch space?” 

Bucky moved to curl around himself and wrapped the blanket around his shoulders. That damn vibranium was cold sometimes. Thor sat at the other end of the couch and extended a beer his way. He didn’t want it. He made a face and Thor gave him a look.

“I know water is probably better. But if you’re anything like our old friend, this won’t bother you.”

Bucky took the beer and popped it open. Taking a small sip. Thor seemed satisfied and rifled through his bag.

“I have a lot of beer. So don’t worry about it. A lot of snacks too. You’re having a bad day so I brought in a lot of shit food. Frosted animal crackers. Famous Amos’ cookies. Brownies. Regular crackers. Beef jerky--Just for a little protein--and caramel popcorn.” 

The fuck. Who ate all this shit? He was a little grossed out. Thor started placing boxes between them and he ended up with crackers and jerky. Thor shrugged and ate some frosted animal crackers. 

“You know. I’m quite surprised he did that. After Bruce carried you back to our rented home, I had a mind to wallop the old man.” Thor said.

Bucky shook his head. Hoping Thor would understand he didn’t want him to do that. He took a bite out of the beef stick. 

“I was quite impressed with you in DC. I flew over the destruction. Watched some of the security footage with the Captain. You are a very good fighter.”

He didn’t want to talk about it. He signed his opinion and Thor shrugged.

“We must spar one day.” Thor said.

He shook his head again. No. He would not spar with Thor. Being this close to him on the couch was almost uncomfortable. And Thor was keeping his space and his weapons were nowhere in sight.

“No? Very well then.” 

He looked away from him and took a drink. He hated beer. He preferred whiskey. But he wasn’t about to spurn Thor’s generosity and ask if they had it. He probably shouldn’t have much alcohol anyway. 

“If you ever want some friends, I have a very interesting group. You’re already acquainted with Rocket the Raccoon.” 

He smiled faintly. Rocket was a little bastard. As soon as the battle had died down, Rocket had come over pestering him about the gun and arm again. He wasn’t going to sell Natalia’s weapon. He hadn’t seen her since Wakanda.

‘Thor, where’s Natalia?’ He signed suddenly.

“Natalia?” Thor seemed confused. “Do you mean Natasha?” 

He nodded. 

Thor dropped his head. “She sacrificed herself to the Soul stone so we could attain it...If we would have known. We would have sent someone else.” 

He shouldn’t have been surprised. She wouldn’t have stayed out of sight for so long. She would have sought him out. At least she didn’t leave him like Steve did. 

‘Who was with her?’ He asked. 

“Hawkeye. Clint.” Thor squeezed his eyes shut and sighed.

She hadn’t changed. She’d sacrificed herself so some children wouldn’t have to lose their father. Thor hadn’t looked up. So he couldn’t speak to him again for a while. He wished he hadn’t asked. Losing both loves of his life in a single day. Even if she probably wouldn’t have wanted anything to do with him. It still hurt. He cursed himself for not trying harder to free her…

“I shall leave you in peace now.” Thor said, standing suddenly.

He left the rest of the jerky and crackers for him. And another can of beer. But Bucky had no intentions of finishing what he had. He laid down and went to sleep.

*** 

_ Two weeks later… _

T’Challa and Shuri were returning to Wakanda. And Dr. Banner had called a meeting. He didn’t know why. It only included T’Challa, Shuri, Dr. Banner, Sam and himself. He hoped this wasn’t about the Shield. He didn’t want to think about it.

He hadn’t spoken in weeks. Thor visited every day and so did Shuri. He had been bullied into a shower a couple of times. Screw them. And now he was outside the room they had been called into. Hoping and praying this wasn’t about Steve.

He knocked and was granted entry. Stepping inside, he noticed he was the last one to arrive. He sat down next to Thor and waited to find out what this was about.

“I thought you forgot.” Shuri said.

He rolled his eyes. He didn’t have to answer if he didn’t want to.

“Well, I’m glad you didn’t. I want you to come back with us.” Shuri said.

He blinked. All the surprise he’d allow to show. As much as he’d like that, he had to deal with Sam now...And if anything happened to Steve...He didn’t want to be too far away. He raised an eyebrow in question and she continued.

“You’ve been in bed for two weeks. I know you’re mourning the Captain and your lover, but it’s not healthy and you know it. You’ve barely been eating or drinking. You haven’t been speaking. Do you think I don’t notice that engagement ring?”

That was an abrupt transition. Everyone except Thor had seemed surprised. He must have pocketed it in the woods. He couldn’t remember. That day was a blur. But he wore it because he didn’t have the heart to take it off yet. That would confirm he was alone. 

“What do you mean,  _ engagement ring? _ ” Thor’s voice was dangerously quiet. 

T’Challa didn’t look amused either. In fact, both Thor and him looked murderous. It was hard for T’Challa to become so angry. 

“So he promised himself to you. And then left?” T’Challa asked.

Bucky just stared at the dark silver ring on his finger. It was meant to blend in as it was a placeholder for a wedding ring but...He suddenly hated Steve. He knew he was gonna leave him the whole time. So he bought him a silver ring. His ears were ringing.

“We should throw him back in that time machine…” Thor muttered.

He surprised himself when he spoke. “And that isn’t even the whole of it.” 

Sam looked sick and Shuri crossed her arms. Dr. Banner looked sad and well. Thor and T’Challa were staring at him expectantly.

His heart was pounding. He didn’t realize he was so enraged until he started thinking about it. The night before Steve left.

“Well what’s the whole of it?” Thor snapped.

Bucky winced. Shuri had seen worse but saying it publicly? They probably wouldn’t let him drop it. 

“He proposed to me after sleeping with me.” 

Thor’s face turned crimson and T’Challa got very still.

“Oh and what’re the two of you gonna do about it?” Bucky snarled. “Not like he’s one hundred some years old and will die soon anyway.”

Dr. Banner flinched. Sam looked away. He realized the words suddenly wouldn’t stop.

“It took me this long to realize he didn’t care. I should have noticed when he spent all day avoiding me. I assumed he was guilty and wracked over Mr. Stark when I saw him crying looking at his daughter. I should have known he was thinking about the life he couldn’t have queer!” He shouted.

Shuri leaned against the table. He didn’t care what kind of language he was using. His eyes burned and he started crying again. Great.

“And then telling me he loved me. How it was finally over. And  _ fucked me _ knowing he’d leave the next day. Gave me this fucking--”

He ripped it off his finger and screamed, throwing it into the wall behind him. It embedded itself in the wall and Sam’s eyes went a little wide. 

He was free. He just stared at the hole in the wall. He was panting and wiped the tears from his eyes. As much as he missed the old days. They were officially dead. He could start fresh. The last thing tying him down.

He turned back to the silent spectators and straightened. Looking at Shuri he said. “I’ll come back with you for a month. Then I’m coming back stateside.”

She nodded. 

“Can I come with you?” Sam asked. “I really need a vacation.” 

“Is he allowed?” Bucky turned to T’Challa.

T’Challa nodded. “Of course he is.” 

The meeting was adjourned when Thor left and Dr. Banner quietly excused himself. The rest of the party discussed flight arrangements and then disbursed. Bucky tuning everything out. He felt light. Not entirely. But now there was nothing holding him back.

The Winter Soldier smiled and walked outside.

**_Later_ **

_ The Soldier raged through the facility. Unsure why he had been shipped here after his failure in DC, but the evidence was slowly becoming clear. The Captain and his lackeys were here. They had fled here. They were afraid. Even though he wanted to lay them out, he hadn’t been ordered too. He’d just been ordered to get out. And so he must obey...Unless some fool got in his way. _

_ Which some fools did.  _

_ He was familiar with Icarus, he’d flung him over the side of a helicarrier. Disappointed as he was that he’d lived. He could have his rematch now. He wondered if they noticed he was toying with them. They were panicking. Icarus could have easily kicked him in the kidney there, but he was too slow. He grabbed him by the jaw and flung him into the glass birdcage. He wanted to see if the smaller man would get up and try again. _

_ The Captain rushed him and he blocked his punches easily. He was better than this. Their duel in the helicarrier proved it. He remembered being alone for many months. While the Captain did free him...He’d come after him today, proving his theory. He was one of them. If the book was here, the Captain was one of them. He’d brought it to the strange man. _

_ He swung and busted through some concrete. Making the other man’s eyes widen in terror. That was an accident, but he liked the reaction. It was satisfying. He couldn’t help a smirk. He wanted to laugh. Where was all that determination now?  _

_ He kicked the Captain’s leg from beneath him and he went down like he’d been shot. His legs were a weak point, he should know this. He was straddling him before he had a chance to recover and he stared down at him. _

_ He felt betrayed. He’d saved his life and he repaid him like this? He wouldn’t be so enraged if it hadn’t been him. If anyone else had forced him to flee...He did warn you. Or tried. He just was too caught up in personal relations to care they were in danger. Or it was just a way to make him stay put. He had been stalling... _

_ The Captain tried to flip him and he dug his knees further into his wrists. He wasn’t going anywhere. Although he didn’t have a lot of time to interrogate him about the facility.  _

_ He looked at his face and there was sorrow there. What was he so upset about? He’d done this to him. If he hadn’t come here, he would still be free. Would have noticed the traps and fled. Disappeared and stayed far, far away from Vienna. Alaska would have been the next stop.  _

_ The anger made his head pound in time with his heart. He told him he loved him. He said he would do anything to protect him and here they were. People coming down the stairs ready to kill him. Would kill him. All because of him. All because of Steve. Had thrown him back into a downward spiral into hell. _

_ He raised his metal fist and did what he should have done two years ago. He beat him where he fractured his skull before and the metal screws holding it in place scattered. Bone crunched and flesh ripped. Blood running over half his face. Something let loose inside of him and he took out seventy years of hell on him. His blows landing elsewhere, on his chest, neck, ears. He didn’t get to die easily. He didn’t deserve an easy death.  _

_ His blows were controlled, never hitting too hard. He could hear anyone descending the stairs. He’d disabled the elevator. His fists hit, again and again and again. The traitor smiling at him all the while. A smile that was slightly sad. Meaningless words being spoken.  _

_ He became sloppy and he heard the squish of his fist hitting brain matter. The Captain’s face was so distorted, he wasn’t sure he knew this monster beneath him. Blood was splattered on his face and he was crying. Screaming. He hated him. He hated Steve Rogers. He was ready to die. His final mission completed. It was all he’d ever been born to do.  _

_ Someone attacked him and he didn’t get out of the way. He was laughing, he had plenty of time to move. Blood poured out of his throat. And he was choking on it-- _

Bucky nearly fell out of bed and ripped his sheets trying to stay in place. He was soaked in sweat and it felt like blood. He clawed at his flesh and then the feeling of human pulp was in his fingers.

He leapt up and barely made it to the toilet in time. He vomited up practically nothing. But the dry heaving was brutal and his chest ached horribly. And the smell of rotting flesh was everywhere. The clothes were covered in blood and needed to go. Now. 

He ripped the black jeans and shirt away. Surprised at how easy it was to mangle the pieces of fabric. But he couldn’t stand it. Couldn’t get rid of the feeling of dried blood on plastering his shirt to his skin. He stood and the room swayed, but he managed to crank the handle on the shower and get in. Ignoring the scalding water. It would burn the blood away.

He was dizzy so he sat down. Curled around himself. Even though no one would see him. There was a curtain in the way. He was surprised he hadn’t ripped it down. It was becoming easier to breathe. Maybe it was because he had to count between breaths through the burning water. His flesh had become red quickly. But he welcomed the feeling. This kind of pain was an old lover.

He put his head under the stream of water and felt the blood wash away. Pulling it away from his face he felt it against his shoulders and he started to calm. He thought after two weeks, he’d be over this. But it only hurt more now that everyone knew what had happened between them.

A burning feeling in his left shoulder made him look at it. He just stared as the scars blistered where the metal met flesh and it took a very long time to realize how bad the burns were. Just fascinated with the horrific appearance. He reached over and turned the water down to freezing. Although he hated the frigid water, Shuri would be concerned if she saw his shoulder burned black. She couldn’t remove that hunk of shoulder though.

He hated being this cold. Now he was shivering. But he was glued to the spot and didn’t want to know if he’d woken anyone. If he had been screaming. Everyone understood though. And would not push him on the subject.

He turned off the water when he started shaking and carefully got out of the tub. He was grateful for the huge towels on the counter and sat on the floor, covered in as many as he had. He shook and shook. He was afraid he was going to begin dry heaving again. He was so cold. His arms and legs were obviously burned. But they’d be healed in a day if he ate well. Which he didn’t like to do. He’d just have to hide it from the others.

He didn’t have a clock in here, but he knew he’d been awake for over an hour. His hair was dried in some spots and his skin felt tacky. He needed to get some softer clothes and something to eat.

Slowly untangling himself from almost every towel, he stepped into the other room with one. He pondered the state of being this self conscious by himself. No one was stupid enough to walk in on him except Shuri. And she didn’t give a shit. He hadn’t spoken to her for a month. But she did double as a physician sometimes so it didn’t really matter. 

He found a thick pair of sweatpants and a long sleeve t-shirt and an oversized pullover hoodie. He just needed socks--there--and he was good. He glanced at his ruined bedding and sighed. He’d clean everything up later. He just didn’t have the strength. He would do it after a snack and a nap.

He hated this compound. He was told the bigger one was the one they’d slaughtered Thanos’ army on. He was relieved it had been. He was starting to get nervous the longer he was here. Combined with the other shit from these past few weeks, it was no wonder the nightmares had restarted. 

He entered the kitchen and sighed when he saw Shuri sitting at the island. At least she had earbuds in and a book. He knew she’d notice him, but maybe she’d ignore his presence. He glanced at the clock. Five thirty? He should go for a run...Get out of here for a few hours. If anyone would let him. Clear his one track mind.

He was rifling through the cabinets when Shuri spoke.

“Morning.”

He jumped and looked over his shoulder, she’d turned to face him in her chair. And he thought he was stealthy. He hadn’t heard her move at all. At least he trusted her enough to disregard her.

“Good morning.” He replied. 

“You look like hell.” 

“Yeah? Well I just got back.” He snapped.

He turned back to the cabinet and was disgusted by all the cereal. He couldn’t eat much if he was going to leave but he didn’t want this.

“Wanna make pancakes? I’m hungry.” Shuri asked.

“I wasn’t going to have much.”

“Yeah well, too bad.” Shuri answered, standing. “We’re going to be working on our social skills today. I want to go to the mall and I need a bodyguard.”

“Like hell you do.” 

“T’Challa won’t come and I want the company. You know I can’t go alone.” 

“You’re less noticeable if you’re alone. Not many people know your face.” 

“We don’t know if that’s true. Better to be safe than sorry.” 

He sighed and closed the cabinet. This was useless. He might as well go back to bed.

“Besides, I haven’t seen much of America. And you grew up here! Who better to show me around? Please, Bucky?”

Suspicious. That ‘please’ was very suspicious. This was most likely a ruse. He’d find out in a moment.

“Where  _ exactly _ do you want to go?”

“I haven’t decided besides  _ ‘a mall’ _ .”

He leaned against the counter. She never was this loosey goosey about her plans.

“Uh-huh.”

“Dude, I mean it. I’ve been here for what?  _ Three weeks. _ I haven’t been allowed to go anywhere.” Shuri replied.

He glared at her and she glared right back. 

“So what’s your brother and Thor doing while we’re gone?”

“Thor will be lazing around and T’Challa will be admiring the gardens, no doubt.” She replied.

He wanted to believe her. He wanted to just let it go and find out whatever horrible thing they had done later and pretend he knew nothing about it. Except his permanent guilty conscience wouldn’t allow for it.

“ _ Shuri. _ ”

“Honest. Nobody told me anything. We know you don’t like being lied to.” She replied. 

‘Don’t like’ was putting it mildly. 

“‘We’?”

“Where’s a mixing bowl?”

He rolled his shoulders to get the tension out of them. She wasn’t going to say anything else. He could interrogate Sam after they ate, he was the weakest willed out of the bunch. But he was good hearted. He didn’t want people to get hurt unnecessarily. He’d probably give him his answers quickly.

***

_ The previous evening... _

Thor was tapping a pencil against a notepad when T’Challa and Sam walked in. Followed closely by a concerned Bruce and an annoyed Shuri.

“To what do I owe you mortals this pleasure?” Thor asked, taking a drink from a mimosa. 

“I don’t think it’s right we let Captain Rogers get away with his deceptive action.” T’Challa replied.

Thor smiled. This was interesting. What were they going to do to a fragile old man? It would be different if he were still young and healthy. Even if it would be fun. 

“I agree. But isn’t it against your laws to cause harm to an elderly man?” Thor queried. 

“It is. That doesn’t mean we have to get caught though.” Sam answered.

Thor laughed. “It isn’t a fair fight. Five on one is unsporting.” 

“I don’t want anything to do with this. I’m only here to talk you hotheads out of it.” Bruce said, raising his hands.

“We aren’t hotheaded, we are merely seeking justice.” T’Challa replied.

“ _ Revenge _ .” Bruce corrected. “For someone who might not want action to be taken.”

“Yeah, but Bucky’s too much of a pussy to do it himself.” Shuri said, shrugging.

Thor blinked and looked at the little girl. What a particular choice of words. Bruce looked appalled and her brother looked less than thrilled.

“Shuri!” T’Challa exclaimed. “What would Mama say?”

“I say worse about you.”

T’Challa sent her an exasperated look. “He’s your friend. And don’t use the excuse ‘just a patient’. You wouldn’t have convinced him to help you ruin the Harvest Festival if he weren’t.” 

Shuri smiled. “What do you mean ‘ruin’? We only classed up one of his goats. We were gonna eat it anyway.” 

T’Challa frowned. “By stuffing its insides with the cherries meant for pies? Which we do not often acquire?”

She was laughing now. “Oh that was awesome. I thought the cook was going to faint!” 

T’Challa rolled his eyes. “This isn’t going anywhere.”

Sam looked incredulous. “You actually got Mr. Stick in the Mud to do something that stupid?”

“Yes I did. It was the cook’s own fault for leaving the perfectly good roast goat unattended.” Shuri replied.

Thor smacked his palm against his face and groaned. It wasn’t as funny as she thought it was. Loki would have been revolted by their weak prank. 

“Shuri, thank you for reminding me how close you two are. Get out.” T’Challa said.

“Why?” She asked.

“Who’s the first person he’s gonna grill? You. Then Sam, most likely. We should probably get rid of him too. Is that cool, Sam? We’ll come and get you before we do anything. As long as Bucky’s gone. Shuri, get on it.” 

Thor chuckled at her put out look, but she nodded. “Goodnight everybody!” 

Sam left a moment after she did and they got back to business. 

“We could go back in time to wallop him.” Thor suggested, munching on something. 

“Are you sure you wanna do this, Thor? You’ve been obsessively gnawing on things.” Bruce asked.

“I’m fine. I’ll work on it later. But we could find his alternate timeline and throttle him.” Thor said.

“I don’t approve of any more time travel.” Bruce answered. 

“As foolish as it sounds, I would like to experience time travel.” T’Challa said.

“I will smash that wretched device, Thor.” Bruce stated.

Thor leaned his head on his hand and shrugged. “Guess that’s out. We might need it for something else.” 

“Sure. Sure. Nothing good can come out of that device. If we need it, we’ll build another.” Bruce replied.

Thor huffed and took a drink. “So now we’ll go and commit a hate crime? The media will love that. ‘Captain America gets beat up by his former allies because he left them’!” 

“Well. It was his decision to be happy. Who could blame him in a situation like that? But I am not partial to liars. And especially not hypocrites.” T’Challa said.

Bruce seemed like he agreed with T’Challa but not himself. Although he could see the folly in punishing a man for something that had nothing to do with them. But he couldn’t deny how dishonorable it had been to leave a lover like that. He’d done his fair share of leaving lovers, but never like that. He never just disappeared. Always left a gift and departed as peacefully as he could. He was a prince after all.

“I still do not approve. But I trust your self-control, Thor.” Bruce said, standing. “You two are on your own. I know you’re going to do something. But not am not sure what, if Mr. Barnes asks. OK? Talk to you later.” 

Thor bade him farewell and continued speaking with T’Challa. Carefully laying out his plans…

***

_ Present morning... _

Bucky had enjoyed breakfast, Sam had come in from a run a little after they’d finished eating and they’d talked for a while. The dreaded ‘CA’ conversation topic never being breached. He was willing to let it go for the time being. He’d gladly brawl with Thor and T’Challa later depending on what they did. He’d get his ass kicked. But that was the least of his worries right now. 

He was doing his best to focus on the radio. Listening to all the pop music and putting himself together enough to enjoy this facade. But he knew where Thor and the others were headed. To whatever nursing home Sam set him up in. Or assisted living, he didn’t know. 

He couldn’t let them do that to Steve, as much as he deserved it. His breathing was shaky. He couldn’t get the feeling of blood off his hands…

“HEY!  _ BUCKY WE’RE HERE! _ ” Shuri yelled, turning off the radio. 

He spooked and hit his head off the window. Well today was just going great! ...This wasn’t a shopping mall.

“Where are we?” 

Shuri sighed and turned off the car. Resting her hands on the top of the steering wheel. She didn’t look at him as she replied: 

“Captain Rogers’ new home. I’m going in there to request they keep my brother and his associates out for today. Do you want to come inside with me?” 

“No.”

“Then wait here.” 

*** 

The staff had no problem at all keeping the rest of the Avengers out. In favor of letting Captain Rogers have extra peace and quiet. It did cause ‘quite a stir after all’. She was surprised she was allowed to see Captain America after her argument for peace and quiet. But soon she found herself being ushered into his room and there he was.

She thought a supersoldier would look better at his age. Or at least one that had been dosed in serum. She thought he looked terrible. 

His room was plain. Tan walls and a white floor. A wardrobe and a bed. A bathroom and a sink outside by some countertop. And drawings everywhere.

And quite a few of them were Bucky. She tried not to let her gaze linger on any of them. But she’d never seen him looking so elated before. As depicted in one photo. That must have been before the war. So many stress lines were gone. And his eyes weren’t sunken in. 

“You can take it if you want.” Captain Rogers said. 

She didn’t want it. She didn’t want anything to do with his obsession. 

“No. Thank you.” 

“How is he?” 

She snorted. “What do you think?”

“Is he with you? Can I see him?” 

Shuri wasn’t sure what she was doing here specifically. Maybe she felt the second hand betrayal. But this set her off. 

“Yes, he’s with me. And no, he doesn’t want to see you. You think he wants to see you after what you did? What the fuck is the matter with you?” 

The old man flinched and looked at his sketchbook. He was drawing--oh what a surprise, why was she surprised it was Bucky? 

“I thought he’d understand.”

“Understand what? That you promised yourself to him and then left for some dead broad?” 

“Don’t you talk about Agent Carter like that.”

“This isn’t about her. This is about him. You know what his mental state is in right now. And you did what? Had a one night stand and left? Disregarding the consequences? Do you know what the others think of you?”

“Their opinions don’t matter.” 

Shuri stopped herself from speaking and crossed her arms. He couldn’t be serious. 

“You can’t be serious. You came back to Wakanda how many times to check on him?”

“The other Avengers opinions don’t matter. I know where Bucky stands on this.” 

Now she understood why Thor wanted to wallop him. She didn’t realize he was so far up his own ass he didn’t realize maybe Bucky didn’t understand. That the others didn’t understand why Captain America just abandoned him.

“You don’t know anything.” She said. “I just watched  _ your man  _ starve himself for a fortnight because he didn’t understand why you left. I just listened to a man that goes red at anything  _ remotely _ sexual, explain in vivid detail what happened the night before you left.”

That was a lie. He deserved to feel humiliated though.

“Explained how he should have known by the way you put it in him that you were a heartless jackass! Did you tell him how grateful you were that you could be gay in public and not fear the world? Did you tell him how horny he made you? Did you tell him what a  _ hypocrite _ you are?” 

She heard a commotion behind her and she turned to see her brother, Sam and Thor in the room. T’Challa looked equally embarrassed and proud. Sam looked indifferent--did he feel the same way?--and Thor grinning from ear to ear.

“Well, you heard the little lady!” Thor boomed.

He marched over to the old man, wrapped his hands around his throat and shook him aggressively. She cringed when she heard his neck pop at one point. When Thor stepped aside her brother was right there and he did the same. Luckily for them. The old man didn’t need heart monitors yet. That was a relief. 

T’Challa didn’t quit with just rattling his brain around his thick skull. He punched him in the groin and walked away. She followed them and in the hallway T’Challa turned to her and said: “Not a word to Bucky, understood?” 

“Clearly. But why’d you do that to the old man?”

“Shouldn’t mistreat people that look that pretty, plain and simple.”

_ What?  _

***

Bucky was just about to fall asleep when the door flew open and Shuri flopped back into the driver's seat. Looking like she was hiding something. Mixed with satisfaction and disgust. 

“What happened?”

“I yelled at him. Kind of. I could have done better. I was getting frustrated with your setback and I would be a horrible person if I took it out on you. Plus I was just as shocked as you were. Regardless. I said some pretty racy things you would not approve of. And Thor and my brother showed up with Sam.” She answered quickly.

He looked towards the building but she put her hand on his arm. He swiveled his gaze back around.

“Thor strangled and shook Steve, T’Challa did too and they left. They didn’t hurt him. Sam’s innocent. Leave him alone. Let me know when you fight the other two.” She added.

He nodded. The same feeling from yesterday hit him in the chest. He still felt horrible about his dream. And shaken from it. But there was relief in it too. He could have done way worse to Steve if his temper had gotten away from him. He started laughing hysterically and Shuri jumped. Looking at him like he was crazy. He  _ was  _ crazy. 

He calmed down in a moment and just stared out at the traffic. 

“He had it coming. He’s had it coming his whole life. Some people never learn.” 

Shuri looked at him like he could explode again. He could. He really could. 

“I thought you insisted on going to the mall?” He asked.

Shuri looked like that was the last of her concerns. “You’re sure you’re up for it?”

“Fuck it. Let’s go have fun. I’m fine. I am. Let’s just go.”

She didn’t look like she believed him, but she plastered a fake grin on her face anyway. She started the car and pulled into traffic. He smiled. They didn’t do anything and it lifted one weight off his shoulders. 

“Hey, Shuri?”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you.” 

**Author's Note:**

> Watched Endgame in March. Had the idea a week later. Didn't start writing until June. Somehow came back to this today and finished it. If it seems unpolished. I never really planned to finish this.


End file.
